What has you saying 'yes'?
Updated: Jul 13
A few months ago, I was facilitating a course to about 40 leaders in government.
We were discussing boundaries, not as a way to avoid work, but as a way to lead with greater clarity, sustainability and intention.
As often happens the conversation turned to the question many wrestle with:
"How do I say no?"
More specifically, peole wanted the right way to say no.
The perfect wording.
The exact method.
They wanted to know how to decline without disappointing people, creating tension or looking unsupportive.
We talked through strategies and approaches. We discussed ways to frame the conversation.
And still...saying no felt hard.
Then one participant raised her hand and offered something that changed the entire conversation.:
"I think a better question is: what has you saying yes?"
So good!
Thank you, Catharine Harris, for that mic drop moment!
Once you understand what drives your "yes", boundaries stop being about methods of saying "no"... and start being about awareness.
In the session, we turned it around and discussed reasons we say yes, which included:
Protecting the team from failing
Overcompensating to prove your own worth (to yourself and others)
Avoiding disappointing others
Avoiding conflict
Fearing being ses as "not enough"
Fearing judgement
Only once you understand what you saying "yes", can you actually commit to clear boundaries.
And interestingly, once the mindset becomes clear, the language often becomes easier too.
Take a moment to consider:
What has you saying yes?
