It's my boss, not me!
Updated: Jul 13
When one of my clients first came to me, he was convinced his challenge was simple.
"My boss doesn't listen."
But the real issue was something deeper and surprising.
My client was a seasoned executive...sharp, respected and known for his expertise.
But when it came to his boss, he shut down.
He would start his ideas strong and then shut down
He would stop mid-sentence if he didn't get immediate approval or encouragement
He silenced himself as soon as any question was asked
He believed staying quiet was respectful, but it just caused more frustration on both sides.
I asked him "what were your relationships like with your past bosses?"
As he described them, a lifelong pattern revealed itself.
Yielding to authority, not just at work but everywhere
Demonstrating respect by remaining stone cold in disagreement
Believing that his role was to submit, not enlighten
What once protected him, was now holding him back.
His insight, it was never about the boss.
It was about his reaction to authority.
Together we broke the "binary".
It's not speak up or be respectful.
It's both.
My client learned to:
Notice his urge to go quiet
Recognize the habit and make a choice in the moment "is this helping me now?"
Use language that is "honest" AND "respectful"
The impact:
He developed an incredible relationship with boss, based on mutual connection and trust.
He stayed with his company.
He got promoted.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, he was happy.
Here's the reality. You can be respectful and speak your truth.
Your Turn
If you're ready to move from deference to influence, let's chat.
