What's really stopping you from giving feedback?
Updated: Jul 13
Let's be honest, there are people on your team you are in need of real support, development and encouragement.
You may have noticed something, a mistake, a missed opportunity, or even a breakthrough, and you mean to say something - but you hold back.
The problem is you're confused. You don't want to demoralize them and you also don't want to deliver false flattery.
You tell yourself:
"Well...now is not the right time."
"I'll bring it up in the annual review."
"They know what they're doing well."
So you wait.
When the annual review comes around you try to pack a year's worth of feedback into a tidy little sandwich. It goes like this: 1. A vague compliment like, "You've got a great attitude."
A confusing "constructive" comment about how 'that presentation in Q2 didn't quite land' - with zero context or exploration.
A watered down "needs improvement" which makes your direct report wonder what you really mean.
A final "but overall you're doing fine!" as the top slice.
By the end of the conversation, they're confused. You're frustrated. And nothing changes.
But here's the thing: When you avoid feedback in the name of kindness, it often has the opposite effect.
Your team feels unsupported.
They're unaware of the impact of their behaviour.
They miss out on real, timely insights - both constructive and positive.
The paradox:
The more you avoid feedback, the harder it becomes to give.
But, when feedback is frequent and specific, trust grow.
It becomes easier to deliver, and easier to receive.
Next time you'd like to offer feedback recognize it's value.
Do it soon.
And practise this:
What behaviour did I observe? (Get specific, not implied but actual facts.)
What was the impact of the behaviour?
What questions can I ask now, to help this person reflect, understand and grow?
Strong leaders offer feedback often and early.
Not just when something has gone wrong, but when something is going well.
The best leaders create a culture where feedback is expected and valued.
Your Turn
What’s one thought that will help remind you of the value in clear, immediate feedback?
